"To be subjected to God's will is not only to give Him priority
in our lives, it is but to give Him complete control." -- Avery D. Miller
Each morning I get an email from Heartlight with the quote of the day. Many mornings this quote flows past the eyes and into the fingers where I delete it and go on. Ocassionally though it really resonates with the particulars of my own thoughts and relationship with God.
Today was one such morning. It is easy for me to give God priority. He is my Lord and Savior, and I am unashamed to make decisions with his desires as my moral compass. However my will is a strong one, and although I love to consider his will for me, I am unwilling to surrender will to him.
Moving past the relationship stage with Christ where he is a top priority and into the stage where he assumes complete control is one of the most difficult processes I feel I have ever tried. I know that this surrender would bring a greater sense of joy and freedom both. However I cling to "something I don't really want" instead of taking the grace that comes from complete surrender.
I think I am mostly afraid. I am afraid of being called to a greater hunger to minister to the needs of the marginalized. I am afraid of getting my hands dirty in fields I never wanted to be in. I am afraid of the kind of compassion Christ demonstrated.
I say this as an honest confession: and it pains me, because I know that in every surrender there is greater freedom. I want that freedom. I want to be Free from my need to be in controll. I want to be free from self control and give myself completely to God control.