Last night I had a dream that greatly disturbed me. In my dream I had luggage that could not be locked safely in a locker, so it had to be left exposed, hidden yet unsecured in the wide open. I had an invitation to a party, but found myself seated outside the celebration watching the event surrounded by a crowd of unpleasant people.
I have spent most the day with the dream rolling around me, distracting from my work, my conversations, and my other thoughts. Unable to dismiss the dream as trivial, the need to find meaning is consuming. I have asked others for their insight, prayed for revelation, and stopped just to meditate and listen for an answer.
About an hour ago the answer began to download into my head. The dream is actually two dreams which both having the same meaning. Both dreams deal with my own search for significance. Both dreams challenge me to accept the humility that Jesus teaches when he prays, "For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever" (Matt 6:13b NKJV
People want to be accepted and valued. I am no exception. I want to appear to have it all together. I package up my quirks, stuff them tightly in a locker, and lock the doors so that we can all go out to the party. Yet for everything that I hide and mask, there is a bigger pile keeping me from belonging. I look for places to hide my mess... while God wants the real me, messes and all out to be exposed, even if I end up taken, abused, and exploited. I wasn't created to be nicely packaged - venerated, obeyed, and admired. I was made to bring his Kingdom glory.
Again the second dream taught that my place was not a table of significance, those people were strangers to me. My place was not in the banquet hall with it's pretense and illusion. I was not made like that crowd. I was at home among the outsiders, the people who did not fit the reception hall. I was uncomfortable because I am still uncomfortable in skin that is committed to building another's kingdom, I am still squirmy at the idea of not seeking a seat in the power base, I am still scared of my own insignificance. I was uncomfortable, and yet I stayed. For the first time in my life, I sat there in my seat and breathed through the panic attack of being surrounded by this crowd.
Seeking the 'least of these' will never bring you glory. Hiding ourselves only leads to more baggage.