Tuesday, July 01, 2008

RENEWING 1: The Test

I used to be a very destructive person. I hurt a lot of people in my teen and college years. I was also self destructive, and have baggage in my life from those choices. Thanks to the exposure of a great friend I spent the next 2 years of my life pursuing freedom from my self destructive hostility. It has been 11 years since then and almost anyone who knows me would be very surprised to see me behave in a hostile manner.

A week ago we got back the results of a test through Adventures called the Taylor Johnson Temperament Analysis. The test had a lot of insight into my personality that I really agreed with. However, I disagreed strongly with the test's conclusions about my hostility. This is an area I have had great freedom in. Although, this is my carnal nature, I am free in Christ, and that freedom allows me to be free of my destructive anger. It was very surprising as I read between the lines the counselor was accusing me of being abusive and controlling. Again reading between the lines it was clear that I was no longer welcome as a part of AIM.

This left me in a very bizarre place. I could write off AIM as an organization and dismiss their stupid test as flawed and humanistic with no ability to see the Spirit's freedom in my life, which trust me I wanted to do. Yet, something kept coming back to the fact that if the test was flawed, and the organization was a crock for believing it, why was I so consumed with the results. Since I am not abusive, I knew what no one externally could really know, the test hurt because it saw through me. I came to the conclusion that the test showed who I was separate of Christ. The test revealed my potential for toxic destructiveness and I needed constant dependence and freedom from Christ to not be that person. It was both a correct and freeing reminder.

I was pleased with AIM for the test's reminder. I was pleased that they trusted Christi that I was not abusive. I was excited that we were good to go with the organization. Everything was right in the world, and we were all ready to live happily ever after.

But, God isn't done!

2 comments:

seth said...

Kevin,

well done. processing this stuff when it could be wrong or is simply hard to swallow is tough.

i love your commitment to honesty and receiving tough feedback! what doesn't kill us makes us stronger!

Jeni said...

Kev, I think you connected the link to the wrong blog. :)

I can't believe that test thought you were abusive. I am shocked! But I am also really curious and wanna take test. lol I can only imagine what they would say about me.