I don't know how to use my wordsThey don't seem to work like they used to.Proud confident and sure of the message they had to shareI don't know how to use my wordsMuddled, questioning, so in need of nuance now.I feel sometimes like I have become too shattered to ever be put back togetherI feel sometimes like all these piecesis the only Me which has ever been the real meI saw you there,Seated at a table of peersYou poised and beautifulI wanted to know who you were.I listened, me Sipping that beerbut drinking deeply of your prescenceYour words like music and lyrics flowing throughI wanted to get to know you.I felt you there, every idea, joke, and wordyour soul being shared, you filling ours.And I wanted to kiss you.Renée Descartes said I think therefore I am.I was academically birthed into the world of postmodernity,suckled from the mounds of trust no one and question everything,And cut my teeth on deconstructionNow I am left to say "I am thinking therefore I am not being."I wanted to slide my hand into the small of your back,guide our bodies together no distance between us our lips warm softly touchingThe space surrounding melted away into the peculiar particularity of that moment together.I wonder if the other me was entirely another me.I wonder when in that 16 years did he pass and if anyone shed a tear for his loss?I wonder if I could summon him from his mausoleuminvite possession by that other me.I wanted to learn your story,
to share your journey,
to know the whole of how you think;
to stay up all night talking
so the sunrise makes us laugh
at our enraptured attention to each other.I wonder if enchanted by the other me
this me could have charmed you.
The one with poise whose melody
was philosophy, dramaturgy, and story.The universe she made us in her image.from singularity we shatter scattered out into a billion billion piecesMass - pressure - ignition -fusionStars born and burn hot and brightStars energize fostering life around themStars supernova, destroying everything in the exploding pathStars expended die out to cold and emptinessOur atoms forged in the heart of starsI want to take these two fingers
unzipping the dress down the length of your back.To take these hands
slide them inside the slit of the dress.
First pressing them firmly against your back
savoring for a moment
this first time their skin has touched this surface of you.I want to rest a kiss at the base of your neck
as I drop your dress to the ground.Then piece by piece
we together remove the fabric layers which separate our bodies
from being fully touching enmeshed with each other.Shards formerly propelled apart by the force of their own trajectorynow coalesce into orbits round each other.Orbits are added to orbitsShards larger and more significant join, pass, yaw, and pivot in.Planets and planetary Systemsbigger than the piecesscraps spinning togetherabsorbing the energy of their shared fire.Our lives dependent on the fire of a single star.I want to taste the fullness of your soul.Use these two listening ears; unzipping the barriers of your mind.I want to scuttle inside your deepest selfHear your passions, your pain, your strengths, weaknesses, dreams, fears. Savoring for just a moment touching the casing of your soul for the very first time.I place just a peck at the base of your mind, dropping our masks and defenses to the floor.Then story by story we tell each othertogether we remove the layers which separate our souls from being fully touching enmeshed with each other.Maybe you and me would have been a galaxy.Maybe you and me would have been a supernova.Maybe we could have found an orbitMaybe we would have just passed byThe universe she made us in her image.from singularity we shatterscattered out into a billion billion might have beens.Time expiredLeaving I only asked your name,I stood there looking in those eyesWindows in to the soul as they sayI wanted every bit more of you.A morsel of your beingA spoonful of you mindA tincture of your soulBut I said not a charming word more.See, I don't know how to use my words anymore.They just don't seem to work like they used to.