Preparing My Daughters For A Sexually Healthy Marriage

I was reading the New York Times article on Women's Halloween Costumes today and was VERY impressed with the counter cultural discernment the author demonstrated.

As a father of two girls I tend to be a true feminist. To clarify I don't mean to have being a feminist confused with being a fem-nazi. Fem-Nazis are plagued with a reactionary philosophy that thinks women should abhor children, be compelled to work, and other misguided conceptions like that. As a feminist instead, I think that women should be valued, no treasured, as the Jewel of their people.

We live in a culture that does not endorse that perception at all. My daughters will grow up being told by the media industry, and their peers, that they are objects of sensuality; that their value is in beauty and their duty is in satisfaction. That idea sickens me, and so I therefore work very hard at showing my daughters another value system.

Jesus was radically counter-cultural to his time because of his feminist views. Last night my oldest daughter and I read John 11. As you read his interactions with Martha and Mary at the death of their brother look at how Jesus values their femininity. Jesus knows what miracle he is about to perform, but he values these sisters as women enough to participate in their mourning, to empathize and share the compassion they were created to desire.

As a father I want to celebrate my daughter's God given femininity, and part of the way I try to do this is in my relationship to their mother. My nature as a man is not to be empathetic or compassionate. I tend to be selfish and unconcerned with others, however when I practice the discipline of compassion I know that demonstrates to my wife the value she has to me. In the same way when I demonstrate my wife's value to me to her through acts of service and compassion, I am demonstrating to my daughters their value as women.

It is very important to never view my wife as a sexual being. What I mean is, to never view her as existing for my sexual pleasure. My wife and I share sexuality because we are deeply emotionally connected. I love talking to my wife. I know that is not true of a lot of men, and I think this stems from their views of their wife as a sexual being. These men loving having sex and see conversation as a necessary component of "foreplay." This is simply not the case with m. This isn't something I have need to work hard at, it is just the reality. I deeply treasure conversation with my wife.

I want my daughter's to have this kind of relationship. I believe the only way to ensure they choose men who will value them and celebrate their femininity is to start now by celebrating my wife's femininity in front of them. I need to deprogram the media-centric idea that a girl needs to wear a size two, look good in a slutty nurse costume, and be available for her mates pleasure. I need to be more of a servant, more compassionate, and more participatory in the household management. To put it concisely, I need to value my wife more.

I have more to say about this... But I am pausing for now.