Today a Facebook friend linked to this article, "13 Questions To Ask Before Getting Married" and I clicked through to read it. I honestly thought it was a really great list of important ideas to discuss before two people shared vows and joined in a committed partnership intended to be life long. Really, the article has nothing to do with this blog post at all, except it was the catalyst for reminding me that I had compiled a question list myself a few months back. Although, my list is more about getting to know a person you have newly met and have romantic interest in.
The list started when a woman I had been chatting online with asked me to send her any questions I had about her. The questions I sent to her were slightly different than these as they were inspired by our conversation up to that point, but those questions I sent her became the skeleton which I would refine into this list. She never did respond to the questions and that at first got me wondering if the questions we bad, or if the medium was bad. Obviously, I decided it was the medium and worked hard to refine the questions to where I have them today.
Truth be told, because I am a total nerd, I would use this list with anyone new I met whether there was romantic interest or not. In my ideal world, meeting someone new I would ask them to a coffee shop and we would go over this list together. The medium of answering these together in a dialog would work much better and not feel like an assignment as I think the original emailed list did when . Going through the entire list together the other party and myself would both have a good idea of whether or not we were going to be compatible.
So here is my nerdy list of "First Date Questions" which can be used for both new friendship or new romantic prospect.
1. What are your favorites of all time and why?
A. Novels
B. Authors
C. Television Show
D. Movies
E. Philosophers
F. Stage Plays
G. Musicals
H. Albums
I. Songs
J. Board Games
K. Card Games
L. Role Playing Games
2. Famous fictional duos, marry one murder the other.
A. Kirk and Spock
B. Batman and Robin
C. Hermoine and Harry
D. Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck
E. Rachel and Monica
F. Buffy and Angel
G. Ted and Barney
H. Frodo and Sam
I. Arya and Sansa
J. (Bonus since they're real) Lennon and McCartney
3. What is your type on each of these personality scales?
A. Meyers-Brigg
B. Enneagram
C. Jungian Archetypes
D. World's Smallest Political Test
E. Dawkins Test
F. Chakra Center
G: Kinsey Scale
H. Locus of Control
I. Hogwarts House
4. If you were to receive a call tomorrow letting you know a distant relative had set up a $10,000 a month endowment in your honor how would your life change?
5. If you were invited to be the keynote speaker at a TED event what would the title of your talk be, and what thesis would you want to communicate to the audience with your 18 minutes?
6. Do you have one or more artistic outlets? How do you use these outlets to contribute to shaping the world around you? How have these outlets changed over the course of life events?
7. Looking at your last major romantic relationship; When measured in the narrative arc of your life story would you consider the relationship beneficial or not?
8. What is your relationship with intoxicants? Legal and illegal?
9. What is your relationship with spirituality? How has your spirituality changed you? How has your spirituality changed because of changes to who you were?
10. What is a story that exemplifies the transition that defines who you are now?
I have never actually used this list explicitly and I am intrigued to know what other people would think if they had met someone new and there first time going out socially that person pulled out a list of questions for discussions. I personally would be intrigued to learn more about the person with the list and to see what the list questions were. But I am a self confessed socially awkward nerd and geek, so I also acknowledge I am not the best measuring stick. I can definitely see where another person would find this intimidating or invasive. If you like the list idea and have other questions that would improve it let me know what you are thinking.
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