Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Lent: Abnormal

Not everything that steps out of line, and thus 'abnormal', must necessarily be 'inferior'. - Hans Asperger (1938)

It is rare that you read a single quote that moves you to a flood of tears. This one did for me! I struggled most of my childhood with being abnormal and still work VERY HARD to maintain an illusion of coolness and self confidence. I prefer to be on a stage or behind a podium rather than one on one with people mostly because if you spend to much time with me, you will discover my bizarre idiosyncrasies. Ask my wife, she broke up with me while we were dating and struggled with them considerably during our early marriage.

Abnormal is my normal. So I am forced to process all reality through this "abnormal" lens. I often see things SO CLEARLY, and get so sad when I can not bring people along to understand the issue through my lens. I get very discouraged! I get down on my church, my family, my wife, etc...

For the longest time I have struggled with this, and recently due to some changes God is bringing in our family life, I have felt more "weird" than I normally feel. God has crazy cool plans for revealing himself to us. We were reading James 1, and God spoke the reality that wisdom comes only through asking Him for it. So as we continued reading, I prayed for wisdom about these things right as I was reading. Then after finishing the section I had planned to read my oldest daughter asked me to read just a little more.
James 1:16-17 Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
This was invigorating to me! I am made to be me. My abnormalities are gifts from God to prepare me for his purposes. God's purpose for myself and my family is clear to Him, and I am made FOR THAT PURPOSE!!!

I have spent most my life seeing myself as broken. Yet last night when I was called by one of elder's wife, "the pied piper" it was an amazing affirmation of what God had spoken to me the previous night. "I AM MADE FOR A PURPOSE!!!"

I read this as I started my day today:
God is revealing himself to them in this storm. Right in the middle, in the height of the storm when they are beginning to give up hope; right then they strain one last time to see salvation and see God. He is there. Right there. Not pushing himself on us, or begging us to notice him. He's there in the thunder, in the pounding of the waves, in the flash of the lightening - that is the evidence of his power. God is passing by. - Karen Gerber
I hope the connection makes sense, because it was third block to a foundation of something great God is about to do in my life. God is calling me to be available, made as I am, not as defective, but as a reminder that I am a clay pot, made for his purposes and to be beautiful for his eyes.

Thank you Lord, for an amazing few days. - So where the is an hunger in an orphans belly, where there is a hurting forgotten ragamuffin, where there is a stray child who faces hopelessness and homelessness, I will Go! Here Am I Lord, Send Me!


gerbmom said...

I resonate with your post. You could have been describing me.....
well, except for the podium and stage. I'm much better one on one. Less people to throw tomatoes at me.... ;)
BTW - thanks for your kind words, and the link.

Elysa said...

I can't wait to watch how God moves y'all! :D